FUNNY BONES

Laugh, I thought I would die...but then I decided that was a bit extreme.

Funny how these old sayings endure especially if you don't think about them too much or look too closely.
Often they are funny without meaning to be.

Laugh I thought I would...

then I thought. NAH, the pastor is up there talking about the Crucifixion. Probably not a good time

Dad is up front there in the casket, probably not a good time to bust out.

Mom just stepped onstage at the church fashion show. Yeh, better not

Dog is breeding for the first time. OOPS.

BUT OH GOD I WANTED TO.

If you don't like gay marriage, don't marry one.

If you don't like anal sex, STOP BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

I AM ALL FOR GUN CONTROL. 
I HATE WASTING BULLETS.

I HATE BEING SICK, but then I think of the alternative.

I was driving the other day next to a woman using her cell phone. I got SO mad I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

I was driving the other night behind some asshole with no rear lights, so I rear-ended him. He still has no rear lights, but at least now he has a good excuse.

A day without Orange Juice is like a day without sunshine. 

UH..what about if you are ALLERGIC to orange juice? Your life is OVER? Might as well fucking kill yourself cause no sunshine?

Hello, marketing? SHUT THE FUCK UP!