RIVERSIDE CEMETARY
It was a wet and dreary Friday afternoon
in early October.
Misty but not really raining.
in early October.
Misty but not really raining.
In the background looking in from the cemetary drive was a gravesite, fresh...open. A casket sat there on its mountings waiting to be lowered, while one lone figure stood beside it. One hand holding a single yellow long-stemmed rose while the other hand kept patting the casket, slowly. Lovingly.
It was deathly still, no pun intended, and while there were others standing over by the cars in the drive behind the hearse, there was only the one person by the casket. The others had obviously walked away to give him and it is clearly a male figure, a chance to say his last goodbyes.
It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop on the grass, had one been dropped. None was.
The scene was almost eerie and surreal.
The scene was almost eerie and surreal.
As Greg and I began to listen closely, we could hear the voice of the person standing by the casket...talking to whomever it was inside...and while normally one might be hesitant to eavesdrop at such a time we found ourselves wanting very much to do so, almost involuntarily.
Occasionally we could hear a
gut-wrenching sob that was enough
to tear your guts out.
Excruciatingly painful to listen to
and yet fitting and apropos
considering the circumstances.
Occasionally we could hear a
gut-wrenching sob that was enough
to tear your guts out.
Excruciatingly painful to listen to
and yet fitting and apropos
considering the circumstances.
Even Mother Nature and the trees and yes, the clouds overhead seemed also to be in full mourning mode, as evidenced by the relentless mist falling down on everyone and everything.
The tears of the Angels perhaps...
and maybe before this is done,
yours too.
The tears of the Angels perhaps...
and maybe before this is done,
yours too.
SHHHH. LISTEN to a heart in pain.
SHHHH. LISTEN to the quiet sounds of a heart in the midst of horrible grief.
SHHHH. LISTEN to the quiet sounds of a heart in the midst of horrible grief.
A heart in mourning, crying out one last time for its mate. The song of the whipporwill, plaintive...evocative, calling...calling...calling.
SHHHH...LISTEN, and feel the song in YOUR heart.
SHHHH...LISTEN, and feel the song in YOUR heart.
_________________________________
THE EULOGY - OF A SORT
_________________________________
LONG time. LONG time.
LONG time. LONG time.
"For so long, we had the wind at our backs and under our wings, didn't we honey. Yes we did and we made it a good long way, huh.
"From that very first day we met, back in high school, I just knew you were the one for me. I didn't know how or why, but know I did and so did you didn't you. Yeah. You were always at least one step ahead of me.
"I loved that about you although it has always been a bit disconcerting at times.
"Tall, you were. Handsome God knows. Rail thin but well proportioned...like me. Wavy jet black hair that you wore spiked most of the time and those beautiful blue eyes...POOLS of liquid nirvana that I never once looked into without seeing heaven. The portals I called them. Portals to the magic that was always you, honey and always a hint of a wink in them too.
"I called it your imp quality and anyone who knew you agreed with me. You could be QUITE the scamp, you know. But good. DEEP DOWN GOOD, yep.
"Not a mean bone in your gorgeous body, and you were love to your toes. Beautifully applied, and breathtakingly so. I used to hear so often people talking as if I couldn't hear them...and they would remark what a STRIKING couple we were. I just took that to mean YOU, and I just tagged along...a beneficiary of the residue of your STUNNING good looks. Not to mention your charm.
"I loved that about you although it has always been a bit disconcerting at times.
"Tall, you were. Handsome God knows. Rail thin but well proportioned...like me. Wavy jet black hair that you wore spiked most of the time and those beautiful blue eyes...POOLS of liquid nirvana that I never once looked into without seeing heaven. The portals I called them. Portals to the magic that was always you, honey and always a hint of a wink in them too.
"I called it your imp quality and anyone who knew you agreed with me. You could be QUITE the scamp, you know. But good. DEEP DOWN GOOD, yep.
"Not a mean bone in your gorgeous body, and you were love to your toes. Beautifully applied, and breathtakingly so. I used to hear so often people talking as if I couldn't hear them...and they would remark what a STRIKING couple we were. I just took that to mean YOU, and I just tagged along...a beneficiary of the residue of your STUNNING good looks. Not to mention your charm.
"God, I always loved standing or walking next to you and you always made me beaming proud. I never took a step or a breath that I didn't feel like the luckiest dude alive...for having you in my life.
"You always made everyone around you feel really happy, and when you came along, you just made things seem better.
You always made everything...
ALL RIGHT,
you know?"
(The voice halted, then cracked...
and the pain was palpable.)
"You just had that way about you sweetheart.
"You always made everyone around you feel really happy, and when you came along, you just made things seem better.
You always made everything...
ALL RIGHT,
you know?"
(The voice halted, then cracked...
and the pain was palpable.)
"You just had that way about you sweetheart.
I remember so well."
"You came to our high school in the summer just before senior year from Lexington Ky and you had that HINT of a southern drawl that I always loved so much. Lahke hunah-buttah drippy offah knife...that kahnd, Hawney. Smooth as silk and fresh as the milk just outtah the cow and no matter what you said, it just always sounded a bit better when you said it. It was NOT just the accent either, I know.
Yeh, you just had that way about you sweetheart."
"You came to our high school in the summer just before senior year from Lexington Ky and you had that HINT of a southern drawl that I always loved so much. Lahke hunah-buttah drippy offah knife...that kahnd, Hawney. Smooth as silk and fresh as the milk just outtah the cow and no matter what you said, it just always sounded a bit better when you said it. It was NOT just the accent either, I know.
Yeh, you just had that way about you sweetheart."
(A tear starts to fall
and there is a catch in the voice.)
and there is a catch in the voice.)
"Yeh, you came and INSTANTLY I knew.
I knew we were for keeps and I was
oh so right, huh."
I knew we were for keeps and I was
oh so right, huh."
"We met the first day of class during
Mr. Winters' English Literature class
(he still gives me the shivers when
I think of him. Hahah)."
"I found out later as an adult that
he was a really nice man, but a
STERN teacher.
"You did something and I don't remember any more what, but I started to laugh...out loud, during class...
and OH that did NOT go over well.
Well, from that moment on we were MARKED...HAH.
But I didn't give a crap. LOL.
"I had already fallen. For you...and for you I stayed fallen...and still...AM.
"Speaking of fate, we had every class together that last year and we messed up in all of them. We would have more than likely FLUNKED OUT except for one silly thing about both of us.
"BRIGHT we was, DISGUSTINGLY bright...and we knew it and the teachers knew it and DUDES RULE, you know? HAHAHA.
"WE WAS INSUFFERABLE, putting it mildly. Wonder we didn't wind up in
prison for insolence. LOL, and we seemed to feed off each others silliness. Yup."
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"Then that day, after classes were over, you came home with me and really never left. I laugh to think about that now, but there it was. My parents adored you from that first day and yours seemed to take to me too, go figure...and that made things SO much easier...oh yes it did. I wonder how much worse we would have had it without their support.
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"Once most of the people around here saw our families were cool with us, well. They were too for the most part.
"Of course it's easier now. Marriage Equality and all, LGBT rights. A tolerance has developed, but more? A feeling that maybe we as a culture have been bigots too long. Rights are rights and they are supposed to apply to EVERYBODY.
So why don't they? Women, blacks, Jews, gays, whatever. Equal justice demands equal rights for ALL. Period.
"So much has changed, but back then...it was harder, and being in and from a small town?
Mr. Winters' English Literature class
(he still gives me the shivers when
I think of him. Hahah)."
"I found out later as an adult that
he was a really nice man, but a
STERN teacher.
"You did something and I don't remember any more what, but I started to laugh...out loud, during class...
and OH that did NOT go over well.
Well, from that moment on we were MARKED...HAH.
But I didn't give a crap. LOL.
"I had already fallen. For you...and for you I stayed fallen...and still...AM.
"Speaking of fate, we had every class together that last year and we messed up in all of them. We would have more than likely FLUNKED OUT except for one silly thing about both of us.
"BRIGHT we was, DISGUSTINGLY bright...and we knew it and the teachers knew it and DUDES RULE, you know? HAHAHA.
"WE WAS INSUFFERABLE, putting it mildly. Wonder we didn't wind up in
prison for insolence. LOL, and we seemed to feed off each others silliness. Yup."
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"Then that day, after classes were over, you came home with me and really never left. I laugh to think about that now, but there it was. My parents adored you from that first day and yours seemed to take to me too, go figure...and that made things SO much easier...oh yes it did. I wonder how much worse we would have had it without their support..jpg)
"Once most of the people around here saw our families were cool with us, well. They were too for the most part.
"Of course it's easier now. Marriage Equality and all, LGBT rights. A tolerance has developed, but more? A feeling that maybe we as a culture have been bigots too long. Rights are rights and they are supposed to apply to EVERYBODY.
So why don't they? Women, blacks, Jews, gays, whatever. Equal justice demands equal rights for ALL. Period.
"So much has changed, but back then...it was harder, and being in and from a small town?
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"I remember when you asked me if I would go to the Senior Prom with you. WHOA. LOL. Well, uh...um...and I had to think about it for oh, maybe 30 seconds."
"Amazing. I was afraid they would toss our silly butts out and lock the doors behind us, but no. Everyone had gotten used to us two doofuses by then and so nothing happened.
"We danced like everyone else (fools), drank that DISGUSTING punch like everyone else (suicidal maniacs), and went to the after-party like everyone else (Fun-loving IDIOTS), and even old Mrs. Waverly came by and patted us on our heads. LOL. Boy was THAT worth the price of admission, huh.
"But in truth, I was so much in love with you by then NOTHING would have stopped me and if needed, we would have had our OWN prom downstairs in the Rec room and whosoever wanted to come could have. But fortunately we were kewl and so
was everyone else.
"Amazing. I was afraid they would toss our silly butts out and lock the doors behind us, but no. Everyone had gotten used to us two doofuses by then and so nothing happened.
"We danced like everyone else (fools), drank that DISGUSTING punch like everyone else (suicidal maniacs), and went to the after-party like everyone else (Fun-loving IDIOTS), and even old Mrs. Waverly came by and patted us on our heads. LOL. Boy was THAT worth the price of admission, huh.
"But in truth, I was so much in love with you by then NOTHING would have stopped me and if needed, we would have had our OWN prom downstairs in the Rec room and whosoever wanted to come could have. But fortunately we were kewl and so
was everyone else.
"Remember though?
That small town thing."
RETURNING HOME.
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"When we came back from Stanford to settle down here...I never said anything but...
We had had no problems in the beginning, but I wondered if some maybe thought it was just a phase we were going through, but after four years of college and we being still together and all, well.
OBVIOUSLY not a phase anymore.
"But it was just not easy for boys like us then. Fortunately, most of the townspeople thought we were oh so cute. AND WE WERE. LOL. Far as I am concerned, we were DAMNED adorable. Yup.
"But others I know thought we were the spawn of the devil himself. To be honest, I was always convinced that Satan had better taste and was FAR too busy to hang out with us, but...
That small town thing."
RETURNING HOME.
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"When we came back from Stanford to settle down here...I never said anything but...
We had had no problems in the beginning, but I wondered if some maybe thought it was just a phase we were going through, but after four years of college and we being still together and all, well.
OBVIOUSLY not a phase anymore.
"But it was just not easy for boys like us then. Fortunately, most of the townspeople thought we were oh so cute. AND WE WERE. LOL. Far as I am concerned, we were DAMNED adorable. Yup.
"But others I know thought we were the spawn of the devil himself. To be honest, I was always convinced that Satan had better taste and was FAR too busy to hang out with us, but...
"Yeh a few hated us and made no secret of it. Mostly the pious and the zealot class but I didn't give a crap and you didn't either.
WE were NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS, frankly."
WE were NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS, frankly."
"We set up our business after we got back from Palo Alto, and we did right well thank you very much. Made a ton of money over the years, a lot of which we donated to charity. We are now one of the largest employers in our part of the state.
"We settled into the community, getting involved in the local government, our church and whatever and wherever we felt we could contribute. We rarely missed church and were pretty significant tithers.
"We did local theater and sang in the choir...
(God they loved our harmonies, honey.
ME too. Singing but in life too.
"We settled into the community, getting involved in the local government, our church and whatever and wherever we felt we could contribute. We rarely missed church and were pretty significant tithers.
"We did local theater and sang in the choir...
(God they loved our harmonies, honey.
ME too. Singing but in life too.
(Another catch in the voice, and a few more tears at the memory).
"Thankfully the judgmentalists were few in number and most everyone in town treated us like we were just a part of them as we were. I kept getting asked to do babysitting chores and after we had our boys, others returned the favor. We went to others' homes and they came
to ours.
to ours.
"A few though, like that one bleep. He was SO mean even at church. Go figure. Even slashed our tires once, BUT.|!|
"Jesus got even with him. LOL. He is STILL in prison for raping and killing those two little boys. He ain't ever getting out.
Went to church with them and I guess that is how he had their confidence. Everyone was devastated when they were found. Beaten and raped...and when they tracked it down to HIM? Good God...
and when the verdict came down I remember you saying hate doesn't pay. Nope sure doesn't.
"Jesus got even with him. LOL. He is STILL in prison for raping and killing those two little boys. He ain't ever getting out.
Went to church with them and I guess that is how he had their confidence. Everyone was devastated when they were found. Beaten and raped...and when they tracked it down to HIM? Good God...
and when the verdict came down I remember you saying hate doesn't pay. Nope sure doesn't.
"I have learned to be wary of those who 'protest too much'. Often that is a cover used to try to keep others from seeing the darkness down inside you and to try to conceal the fear of what you are afraid lies there down deep in the internal weeds, as it were.
OUR two sweet little boys were (and still are) so cute and everyone wanted to spoil them. Cute as hell, bright as fuck and real hambones. It is amazing to me they didn't turn out to be royal pain brats, but no. Both are fine young men.
"I am so proud of them honey as I know you were. They worshipped the ground you walked on, as do I. I would see them and the way they looked at you sometimes. They were SO proud to be your sons and you their dad. You were too. Their dad.
You played sports with them, and helped them with their homework, and..."
(SOB)
"I am gonna need them now, honey. I promise I won't lean too much but...
I just wish we hadn't lost our precious little Anna Margaret and so young. Lieukemia and what a loss. She was SUCH a pretty little girl, bright...talented. But...
we were so grateful for the time we had with her, weren't we honey."
(Another catch in the voice,
and a small sob.)
and a small sob.)
"But, all in all we had ONE HELL of a life didn't we. Europe twice, Alaskan cruise (remember that? God was it cold. LOL.)
Australia and New Zealand once for a month, and twice to the Caribbean. Tons of fun and GOD how we laughed our silly asses off going through all those old European castles and the ancient cities. America seems so young by comparison honey,
and the truth is...it IS.
Course we went ALL OVER America in our motor home. God the fun we had as a family. Took the kids to the Grand Canyon and Disneyland and Niagara Falls, and Disney World...and Monticello and Washington D.C. and the Hermitage near Nashville. President Jackson's home."
Australia and New Zealand once for a month, and twice to the Caribbean. Tons of fun and GOD how we laughed our silly asses off going through all those old European castles and the ancient cities. America seems so young by comparison honey,
and the truth is...it IS.
Course we went ALL OVER America in our motor home. God the fun we had as a family. Took the kids to the Grand Canyon and Disneyland and Niagara Falls, and Disney World...and Monticello and Washington D.C. and the Hermitage near Nashville. President Jackson's home."
"GOD, HONEY...
The time went by SO fast...
seemed to anyway, huh.
seemed to anyway, huh.
Remember that time I said,
'Let's go to Florida,'
'Let's go to Florida,'
and you did your famous wrinkle
your nose number and said...
your nose number and said...
"That's where all the OLD people go,"
And I said 'YEP. Let's go and shake up the old buzzards. Give 'em some pizzazz,'
and of course we did and had a great time. The boys were in college by then and so it was just you and me and we did our best to act the fools we really always were.
"I know lots of people thought we were a couple of sticklers, but if they only knew. LOL.
And I said 'YEP. Let's go and shake up the old buzzards. Give 'em some pizzazz,'
and of course we did and had a great time. The boys were in college by then and so it was just you and me and we did our best to act the fools we really always were.
"I know lots of people thought we were a couple of sticklers, but if they only knew. LOL.
"All we did...travel, work, whatever...always together.
Then our folks passed with yours going first, then mine. Then your younger brother and we cried together too. Cried and cried, didn't we...just like I am doing now, honey. We always leaned on each other. Way it should be.
"Yep, we raised hell, raised two fine young boys (adopted from the surrogate we used but ours sure as heck)...
"THEY WERE honey, OURS AS MUCH AS ANYTHING.
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"Dogs and cats and horses and even that old snappy turtle. HAH, GOD did you give me hell when I brought that thing home, but we had that pond out back and he settled in real quick.
"THEY WERE honey, OURS AS MUCH AS ANYTHING.
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"Dogs and cats and horses and even that old snappy turtle. HAH, GOD did you give me hell when I brought that thing home, but we had that pond out back and he settled in real quick.
"We would go out of an evening and sit on the bench back there and watch ol' Mork, and the sunsets. Such beautiful sunsets and sunrises too. I hope you can still see them honey, where you are. I hope so. Still thrills my soul."
"WE DID EVERYTHING AS IF WE WOULD LIVE FOREVER. But..."
(Pause, a small sob, a catch.)
"Well, I am sure the man in the suit over there and his helpers would like to finish up and head home. They still gotta lower you sweetie. Sorry. God I am so sorry, honey. (sob).
Honey? Would you mind if I don't watch that? It's hard enough you being gone you know. I'm just not sure (sob) if I can (sob) stand that, yah know? Bad enough knowing you are gone.
That just makes it seem SO final.
That just makes it seem SO final.
"GOD SWEETHEART, I MISS YOU SO BAD...
DAMN!"
DAMN!"
"Oh shit, now I am really starting to leak as you used to call my streaming.
I never did it much cause you made me so frigging happy yah know.
But once in a while,
if we lost a friend or a pet...
I never did it much cause you made me so frigging happy yah know.
But once in a while,
if we lost a friend or a pet...
Geez. It is really starting to hit me. I've been so busy with all the details, but now all that is done.
There's nothing left to do..and I am ALL ALONE. For the first time in a VERY LONG TIME, HONEY? I AM ALL ALONE."
(BIG SOB).
(Pause as he tries to regain his composure).
There's nothing left to do..and I am ALL ALONE. For the first time in a VERY LONG TIME, HONEY? I AM ALL ALONE."
(BIG SOB).
(Pause as he tries to regain his composure).
"I would do it all again you know. Yes I would, DAMMIT. EVERY LAST MINUTE!
But that will have to wait until
I can join you."
But that will have to wait until
I can join you."
(SOBBING)
(Leans down and plants the single long-stemmed rose on top of the casket and then kisses it.)
Pause...
"So long precious. My beautiful husband, lover, friend. My everything honey, for you always were you know.
You behave now until I get there. I will and probably won't be long either. Way it is honey."
You behave now until I get there. I will and probably won't be long either. Way it is honey."
"Okay, he is really starting to fidget. The mortician, Mister Graves. God what a stitch. Almost as bad as Mister Burns,
the Fire Marshall.
the Fire Marshall.
Okay, we will talk more when I get home, I know you will be there, just like always.
Sure you will."
(Looks down at the casket and winks amidst the streaming tears.)
"RACE YAH!"
_______________________________
EPILOGUE
_______________________________
Lying in bed late that night, the conversation continued...
"I was starting to turn to leave today, honey, when I felt hands on my shoulders, and as I turned I saw our boys. Jake and Ricky, and God I am so glad they turned out to look like you, especially Jake. He is the spitting image, So damned handsome just like you, and every time I look at him now? I will see you just as always.
It will keep a piece of you here with me, and I will need that honey. Oh, I know he is his own person, but in so many ways he SURE AS HELL is YOUR son.
Thank God.
He and his other half Jason. God what a sweet boy too and we lucked out there. They will hover I know.
Jake is doing so well with our business now, and Ricky? His law practice is doing super great. People know they can trust him, honey...just like they always could trust us too. Runs in the family I guess, but you gotta bring them up right, and we did. I have you to thank for a lot of that. Spirited kids, they both were but you managed to stay ahead of them far better than me.
Ok, I think I am getting a bit tired now. I'm not sure if I can sleep, but I will try.
Just remember.
I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. That will NEVER change.
NEVER...NEVER EVER.
I just wish you could have stayed to see the grandkids grow...and their kids, and..."
_______________________________
EPILOGUE
_______________________________
Lying in bed late that night, the conversation continued...
"I was starting to turn to leave today, honey, when I felt hands on my shoulders, and as I turned I saw our boys. Jake and Ricky, and God I am so glad they turned out to look like you, especially Jake. He is the spitting image, So damned handsome just like you, and every time I look at him now? I will see you just as always.
It will keep a piece of you here with me, and I will need that honey. Oh, I know he is his own person, but in so many ways he SURE AS HELL is YOUR son.
Thank God.
He and his other half Jason. God what a sweet boy too and we lucked out there. They will hover I know.
Jake is doing so well with our business now, and Ricky? His law practice is doing super great. People know they can trust him, honey...just like they always could trust us too. Runs in the family I guess, but you gotta bring them up right, and we did. I have you to thank for a lot of that. Spirited kids, they both were but you managed to stay ahead of them far better than me.
Ok, I think I am getting a bit tired now. I'm not sure if I can sleep, but I will try.
Just remember.
I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. That will NEVER change.
NEVER...NEVER EVER.
I just wish you could have stayed to see the grandkids grow...and their kids, and..."
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
"AND GOD YOU DID, HONEY. YOU DID. YOU OPENED YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES ONE LAST TIME...AND MOUTHED..."I LOVE YOU," and OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT.
NEVER!"
Copyright 2020 by Dylan S Le Maire
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
SINGING THIS SONG FOR YOU
"IT WAS WORTH EVERY MINUTE"
"It was worth every minute
and you know that's true
It was worth every minute
for all we were, me and you
It was worth every minute
and now when I will think of you
and I will,
I will still feel the love you brought me,
All the things that you taught me,
God all the things that you bought me
but none were ever the gift
that YOU were to me.
See...
It was worth every minute
You took my heart and did pin it
and the years went by
and now all I can do is cry
but they're really tears of joy
for I loved you with all my heart, Boy.
It was worth every minute
AND I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN."
"IT WAS WORTH EVERY MINUTE"
A Song by Dylan S Le Maire
for
'THE LAST GOODBYE'
COPYRIGHT © 2020
by
Dylan S Le Maire
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
"THE LAST GOODBYE
CONTINUES"
SINGING THIS SONG FOR YOU
"IT WAS WORTH EVERY MINUTE"
"It was worth every minute
and you know that's true
It was worth every minute
for all we were, me and you
It was worth every minute
and now when I will think of you
and I will,
I will still feel the love you brought me,
All the things that you taught me,
God all the things that you bought me
but none were ever the gift
that YOU were to me.
See...
It was worth every minute
You took my heart and did pin it
and the years went by
and now all I can do is cry
but they're really tears of joy
for I loved you with all my heart, Boy.
It was worth every minute
AND I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN."
"IT WAS WORTH EVERY MINUTE"
A Song by Dylan S Le Maire
for
'THE LAST GOODBYE'
COPYRIGHT © 2020
by
Dylan S Le Maire
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
"THE LAST GOODBYE
CONTINUES"
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